I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
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whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
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You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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