I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
