my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
