i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
