Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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