I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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