you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
