i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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