she woke up with a sticky ear
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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