I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
