I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
