After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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