How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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