so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
