You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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