I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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