Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
