i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
