I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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