Did you just see the Batmobile???
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
