I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
