I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
