You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
this will be a night to untag.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
