hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
