I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
