Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
