Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
