I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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