I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
