I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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