if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
