Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
