I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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