But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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