i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Are my feet made of real feet?
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A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
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Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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