Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
