dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
