Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
