I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
