A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
