i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
