I am in a vortex of obligation.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
