im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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