Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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