my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
well, you know. whores of a feather.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
