You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
