I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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