if you like me you must not know who I am
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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