I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize