Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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