My first STD was from a foam party
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
