Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
