I can't watch pbs sober anymore
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
