If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
