i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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