A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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