He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
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