there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just sent this text using only my big toe
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
