I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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