I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
