Just fell off a train. Bad.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
