Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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