When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's official drugs can't kill me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
