Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
