remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
