if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
