i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
