Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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