I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
