just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
it glows. i had to have it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
