wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
